Ellipsis (...)

Have you ever been in a situation, where you are helplessly waiting for the next thing in life to happen but you just can't help to guess the possible outcome?

I think that's where I am now.

Almost everyday, I woke up feeling ... empty. I will look for my phone, and like any other day, there's no new texts. No missed calls. No one.. is looking for me. So I put it under my pillow again while I give out a heavy sigh.

I thought I could live alone, having no close friends means... I can be friend with anyone and everyone, right?  I thought it was a gift, to be able to turn on my 'friendly mode' and just talk to anyone in any given situation, in any given room.

I was wrong.

It slowly creeps in.. the thought that whatever I have is actually a curse.

I was too friendly with everyone,
so I forgot to actually make friends.
You know, those who actually stays and cares.

I was too busy trying to get involved with everyone's affairs.
Huh.. what was I thinking.
Did anyone actually knew what's going on in my life?

Not even my family knew what's troubling me.

All these years, I genuinely believe that the outside world will be just like what I saw on screen.
I grew up watching alot of tv shows, documentaries and movies.
They all ended up with a great ending, where everyone will get their fair share of happiness.
No one will be lonely. No one will end up feeling sad.
Except for the villains, they always get punished at the end right?

I was so naive, tricked into believing a lie, misled by the fantasies I myself created.

The Ellipsis.
The dots after a sentence.
A pause.
It's where a sentence trails off.

I'm not a villain.
I'm always kind to everyone.
If I didn't, I knew I actually tried to.

Then, why do I feel like I'm being punished in these indefinite dots in my life?
I feel like I was hang out to dry.

Slowly, every bits of happiness and joy,
every single good memories I kept in my heart,
every little energy and passion,
everything is slowly disappearing.

But watching the news of kids being tortured to death,
Babies murdered by the real evil force out there,
It makes me believe that I don't have any rights to feel beaten.
I should pick myslef up.
I should dust off my scraped knees.

This ellipsis won't lasts long.
That's not how it works.
My whole story is not complete yet.
I'm not even done with this sad chapter.

This is the part where I take pause to build myself up and continue to write my story.
I have faith that I'm not meant to stay in my room all day , listening to sappy old songs.
I am destined for something great. Something bigger.

If my passion in something is disappearing, then I'll find a new passion, a new goal.
If the good memories are forgotten one by one, then I'll head out and make new memories.
If I'm not happy now, I can always try other things that will somehow leads me to my happy ending.

The key is to not give up.
The key is to not let out those heavy sigh.

I'll open up a new chapter.
I'll write with confidence with my fountain pen.
The one where I'm stronger.
One where I am not afraid of being alone.
The path to greatness, and going extra miles are not crowded.

My story might not be similar to those you came across out there.
Mine is..slightly longer.
Not just one with more adventures, conflicts and drama,
but also more exciting events, more surprising characters will come along
and the ending will be spectacular!

I will not give up easily.

This ellipsis won't lasts long.
Have faith in yourself, Tim.
Have faith in Allah :)

Ya Allah
I seek your refuge from incapacity, laziness, 
cowardice and miserliness.
Grant my soul taqwaa, and purify it, 
You are the One to purify it,
You are its Guardian and its Lord. 

Ameen.